Gimme some lovin' baby
So I see that Australian men are now ranked amongst the world's best lovers. In a survey last week, Australia tied with France and the U.S. in terms of time spent, frequency and attention paid to the needs of their partner. Now, when you consider that the American statistic drops significantly once you take the President out of the equation, we are equal first with those renowned known mattress athletes - the French.
Well done Oz and everyone thought that having John Howard as PM would make this country 'comfortable and relaxed'! Maybe the catch-cry for this year's election should have been "Stick With Liberal, We Make You As Randy As Hell".
According to the survey, the average Aussie couple spends 22 minutes in the act of congress (that's without foreplay, let alone a little dinner and dancing first), at an average of 112 times a year. How the hell do we get anything done as a nation? Now let's just say, for argument's sake, that on top of the 20 minutes of "bumping uglies" we throw in another 20 of kissing, cuddling, stroking and what have you, as well as a good 10 minutes of lying in each others' arms before rolling over, farting and falling asleep: remember this survey complimented Aussie men on their bedroom romanticism. Well, that comes to 'round 100 hours a year spent on the job, and that's just for mister and missus average; just imagine the bedroom time taken up by our captains of industry with their 'trouser work'. If history has taught us anything it's the more powerful a man gets, the more likely he is to behave like a Russian mink who's missed a couple of rutting seasons and is madly throwing the luncheon meat at anything in a 10 kilometre radius.
This is my point (as the general manager said to the accounts executive), why is the country bordering on the brink of reccesion? Why are sharholders' meetings taking on the atmosphere of the Roman Colosseum? Because my dear friends, according to my simple equation, the boardrooms of this country lie empty as wise and desperately needed brains are out on the town trying to rack up their flying hours in the cockpit of love. Add to that the other well documented fact that the rich and powerful approach sex slightly differently from the rest of us, and the average of 52 minutes per act is further elongated by all the damn time spent getting in and out of latex nurse's uniforms. It's amazing that a single decision is ever made.
And now it's about to get worse. Previously we at least had a few good years out of the average high flier. That special golden time between behaving like a randy schoolboy and being quietly slipped into a nursing homw, a five or six year period where some work actually got done. Which is why I plead with the government, in the name of Australian economy, please repeal your decision to release Viagra.#
-mikey robins