Internet.au magazine, May 1998

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mr nice guy

Ê Richard Fidler's regular net rant Ê

The revolution will not be Webcast

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Can we be sure that our selfless politicians are really on top of the communications Ê revolution? Do they even understand the culture? After all, most of them are Ê boomers who believe that popular culture ended in 1973 (or in our PM's Ê case, 1923). You can waste whole months of your life going through our Ê complex IT policies, but I believe far greater insight can be gained from Ê a closer scrutiny of the parties' Web sites. After all, a Web site is a bit Ê like handwriting; it can impart so much information about a person or organisation Ê without their knowledge.

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I was shocked and excited to discover that the Liberal Party actually does Ê have a Web site (www.liberal.org.au). Ê After all, your average Lib tends to call the radio the 'wireless' and owns Ê a telephone with a crank in the side.

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The Liberal's home page was a scruffy affair: the logo was cheap and nasty, Ê and amazingly, there was no dancing baloney* - surely Ê a prerequisite for a political Web page. Going over to the membership page, Ê I was assaulted with a giant banner headline that read 'THE LIBERAL PARTY Ê IS YOU'. Next to this terrifying news is a picture of a refulgent young family Ê straight out of a Country Road catalogue: the tanned, white guy golfer dad, Ê the one year old in a 'cute' sailor suit and the young Mum who seems to have Ê come directly from the Methodist Ladies' College into the arms of her first Ê husband. The image made me long to posess that lifestyle. Dammit, I want to Ê wear chinos on weekends.

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I hit a link to the 1997 Federal Budget on the hompage, and a giant read Ê GIF at the top of the page fairly shrieked at me:
Ê "WARNING: EXTERNAL LINK!
Ê You are about the leave the Official Liberal WWW pages. The information beyond Ê this point is outside our control and may not be officially endorsed by the Ê Liberal Party."

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Holy shit, Batman! It was just as well they warned me. Imagine getting info Ê from the Web that may not be officially endorsed by the Liberal Party.

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So I thought I'd better give the budget a miss, just to be on the safe side. Ê

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I expected to see a nice image of Big Kim Beazley on the ALP's hompage (www.alp.org.au), Ê projecting leadship, excitement and a common touch, looking like Stormin' Ê Norman Schwarzkopf and Homer Simpson all rolled into one. No such luck. The Ê ALP's Web site is about as exciting as a three week convention of roofing Ê insulation cosultants. Very few pics, lots of policy and a calender of upcoming Ê events that lists Orthoptics Awareness Week and Medicare's birthday as it Ê highlights. A deeply unsexy Web site. At least the Liberal site gave me the Ê Country Road lifestyle option.

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I was hoping that Cheryl Kernot's picture would still be on the Democrats Ê Web site (www.democrats.org.au). Ê I figured there was a good chance it would be one of those sites that went Ê up in 1996 with a burst of enthusiasm, champagne and finger food, only to Ê be forgotton and never updated.

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Sadly this wasn't to be the case. Unlike the Libs, the Democrats have both Ê their leaders, Meg Lees and Natasha Stott-Despoja, right there one the home Ê page. The deal seems to be that Meg gets to be leader but Natasha gets to Ê be up front in all the publicity shots, which is just as well, because Meg Ê is such a charisma-free zone that she makes John Howard look like Iggy Pop.

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Nonetheless, this was well designed, informative and by the best site of Ê the bunch.

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The National Party's site held few surprises. It looked like the HTML had Ê been assembled on a combine harvester. The design seemed to be based on a Ê Leagues Club bulletin board: the yellow text on lime green wallpaper means Ê that you can't read the text without risking a brain aneurism. Embarrasingly, Ê if you click on the link for their policy on Aboriginal issues, it takes you Ê to 'Tourism' instead. Perhaps they'd rather not talk about it.

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Interestingly, there were images of the leaders on all the Web sites except Ê for the Liberals. Are they expecting another leader soon and can't be bothered Ê replacing the pic? It's yet another conspiracy unmasked by Internet.au magazine. Ê Remember punters: you read it here first.

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*Dancing Baloney: an animated GIF designed to impart a false impression Ê of excitement and activity.

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- richard fidler uses Ê a PowerMac 8500/120, watches tapes on his Betamax VCR and enjoys listening Ê to music on 8 track cartridge tapes. He also hosts Race around the World and Ê Mouthing Off on cable TV. Ê

typed up by VellaB Ê Ê