God Of Modern Living

Paul McDermott discovers our spiritual G-spot is stimulated when the conversation turns a bit deity.

Science and religion have always been strange bedfellows. Over the centuries they have been as close as lovers, as distant as bitter enemies. They have often looked in opposite directions to find they shared the same point of view. Occasionally they lie back, light up and congratulate each other. This happened recently when a scientist discovered the so called "God spot". A part of our brain that sparks with electrical energy whenever the name of God is mentioned.

Every society has had its gods- often the more the merrier. It made a lot of sense to have a different god for every different thing. A god for water, fire, earth, sunflowers, cats. You wanted victory in war- pray to Mars; a good harvest- sacrifice a virgin.

In this day day and age of high stress and constant pressure, we need our faith to strengthen us. We have not lost our urge to create gods; they abound as never before. The "God spot" is as active as ever. We require new gods and these new gods deserve our respect and recognition. Like the old gods, they are small-minded and petty and couldn't care less about eternal struggles between good and evil. We invoke them whenever we call on them for help.

I lived in a flat where we would call upon the God of Hot Water. "Please, God, let there be a few minutes of heat before I freeze". The God of Hot Water always seemed to be deaf until we made a monetary sacrifice to one of his high priests, a plumber called Ron. There is the God of the Radio, who can torment or tantalise. The God of Let The Takeaway Be Open. We ask the God of the Car Park to find a space for us at the crowded shopping mall. For the little God of Money to plant coins at the back of the couch. For the God of the Street to leave something good in the skip. To the God of Washing to return the other sock. To the God of the Bank to make the ballpoint work. To the God of Sleeping in on Sunday Morning to stop the person playing the French horn.

Some gods seek to make life more difficult for their own delight. These are playful, fickle gods from the line of Loki, Norse god of mischief. Praying to them is a waste of time- a bloody sacrifice is the only way to gain their attention. Every morning and evening we cram ourselves into their their moving cathedrals. We mere mortals are their playthings, clumsy lumps of dough in desperate need of their assistance, It is only by accepting them into our lives that we can reach our final destination.

These are the Gods of Transport. A triumvirate of minor deities who wreak havoc with our fragile faith in the written word of the timetable. They are, in order of cruelty, the God of the Bus, the God of the Train and the God of the Cab.

I am forced to believe the Gods of Transport exist. The only other conclusion one can reach is too devastating, too frightening. With malicious forethought transport services are conspiring to make our lives a living hell.What little prayer do you murmur after a long day at work? If you are like me, you pray to the Television God. "Please let there be something good on the television. Oh God, let there be something good." And is there something good? No, there's never anything good. And why not? Because the Television God does not exist. We invented him. We created the Television God to fill an unhappy void in our lives. The Television God doesn't exist so it does you no service to pray to him. You've got to pray to the God of Programming. And the God of Programming is the most self-important, talentless, middle of the road, arse-licking, glorified acountant the universe ever had the displeasure to fart into existance.

After all this talk of God, your "God spot"should be hyperactive. Electrical energy pulsing in that section of your brain that believes in a higher authority, a greater force in the universe. Did some celestial being place it there or did it develop as a way of ordering society? No doubt science and religion will battle it out again to find another Programming is the most self-important, talentless, middle of the road, arse-licking, glorified acountant the universe ever had the displeasure to fart into existance.

After all this talk of God, your "God spot"should be hyperactive. Electrical energy pulsing in that section of your brain that believes in a higher authority, a greater force in the universe. Did some celestial being place it there or did it develop as a way of ordering society? No doubt science and religion will battle it out again to find another

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