"We take turns in the Korean baths scrubbing each other up...."
Good News Week host, and former Doug Anthony All Star, Paul McDermott talks to Julie Jansen
Considering how much time and effort Paul McDermott put into appearing to be an obnoxious, vicious bastard in the wild old days of DAAS, it comes as a surprise to find he's really just a marshmallow. He's still a bright spark, with a mind that's razor sharp. To talk to McDermott is to prepare yourself for the occasional thunderbolt between rides on a rollercoaster: the ride takes sharp turns, changes direction without prior notice and invariably is full of odd surprises. Take the mention of Korean baths, for instance, which comes from the middle of nowhere. It seems on Planet McDermott, the roads lead to nowhere in particular and there are many odd little stops along the way.
With the JJJ with Mikey Robins shift starting at 6am each day, and invariably media obligations after the shift ends at 9, preparation for Good News Week, and film scriptwriting in between all that, it's a wonder he finds time for anything else. He freely admits that with each performance he has to reach inside himself and overcome his inhibitions: "I basically have no confidence whatsoever. It comes down to a sense of false bravado," he says.
Or maybe age, and a stable(ish) career is calming him down and he's becoming (gasp) a SNAG. Asked if he's a budgie, goldfish or rottweiler man, McDermott responds, "I think it depends on who you speak to. I think if you spoke to me outside (this interview) I'd probably be like the goldfish. But if you spoke to friends of mine or acquaintances, it'd be the budgie."
McDermott is obviously an educated man; he's quite capable of semiotic analysis. He's also aware that until recently most Australians thought he was plainly the rottweiler. "I think others see you more clearly than you see yourself... I have no idea. It all depends on your criteria; a budgie for me, is a creature that always ends up quite mad - they're always fighting into a mirror. The goldfish always ends up belly-up..."
In keeping with GNW's premise of current affairs knowledge, McDermott reads not one, not two, but four newspapers a day. "Oh, I have to. Gotta know what's going on around the place," he replies. But four - just like Michael Willessee, eh? "Hot-diggity-dog, I bet he reads them properly though. I just read the job ads!", McDermott chortles.
He's being modest of course; he obviously reads them properly because his knowledge of the latest on the mad cow disease outbreak is fairly extensive. It's amazing; what he doesn't know isn't bothering about. His sympathy for the cows - "who are essentially herbivores", Paul says passionately - that suffered as a result of being fed lambs' brains, is amazing.
His voice rises as he becomes very intensely interested in the topic. Hm, perhaps there's more to being a Taurus The Bull, than McDermott is willing to admit. Ever tried being vegetarian? "A couple of times. But - I just couldn't give up that 'luvverly' meat!" he chuckles.
The talk of mad cow disease turns to the brilliant film Soylent Green, which turns out to be one of Paul's all-time favourites. "Ooh yeah, good old Soylent Green. Charlton Heston - one of the great actors - it's right up there with Omega Man," he reminisces.
Wendy Harmer allegedly once called him 'the worst flatmate on earth', citing reasons of body odour. McDermott merely grunts at this recollection, but is quick to dispel the rumour that he could be nominated for the 1997 Cleo Bachelor of the Year Award.
"Gawd, (imagine) being in a room being asked questions by all those women," McDermott ponders. Quick to turn the tables around on any topic, he produces a new theory: "I reckon if you put the first 25 men (on the Cleo list) from page 1 in a room with the other 25 men from page two, you would eliminate the need for bachelors. Heheee.."
Such wicked wit extends throughout the conversation. At one point, fellow GNW comrade (and former Allstar) Richard Fiedler rings McDermott on another line. Isn't it enough that they saw each other nearly every day for years, that they still do? "Oh yeah, we're really close. We take turns in the Korean baths scrubbing each other up," McDermott jokes cheekily. It's easy to imagine the wicked look in his eyes and evil grin on his face...
Relationships between McDermott and the third Allstar, Tim Ferguson, are still very much strained but McDermott isn't bitter about it, as he calmly explains they haven't spoken since the breakup of DAAS - in fact it's been 'a couple years' now. Paul is surprised to hear Tim's career has extended to opening nightclubs in Adelaide. One Adelaide journalist asked Ferguson if he had any new words for McDermott; the reply received? "Yeah, gimme back my house keys!" Ferguson quipped, a jibe which confuses McDermott. It doesn't look like there'll be any reunion anytime soon, but fans are still secretly hopeful that things will be patched up someday.
He need not worry about where his next meal is coming from, even though he claims to be a man whose future is as clear as mud. What Paul will do five, ten years from now, he has no bloody idea. "Might keep hanging around those baths, I think," he chuckles. Film acting is something McDermott is interested in, but it's not interested in him, it seems: "The last part I auditioned for, Aden Young got," he sheepishly admits. "Doesn't matter." He's got a job now, and that's what counts...
Despite his occasional moanings on JJJ that he had a lousy young life, punctuated by a tortured and deprived childhood, McDermott says none of it's true. He swears he's never even seen the wrong end of Sunbeam jugcord.
"Oh, that was Mikey's childhood I was referring to - I had a good childhood," Paul says quickly. "I was deprived of Cherry Ripes, but that was just one incident in an otherwise spotless upbringing," he says, anxious to defend the reputation of his still-married parents. Both the JJJ morning show and Good News Week are rating very highly in Brisbane, which probably means McDermott can stop perusing the job ads for a while. Of course, if the day should come that Good News Week doesn't get extended, McDermott won't be banging on Bob Mansfield's door grovelling for an extra $500 million to keep his job and the ABC going. He thinks (tongue in cheek, of course) that commercial game shows could be just the thing for him.
On the subject of the Internet, our Paul is pretty hip. He's on the net, he surfs the net and doesn't think much of the DAAS shrines to his memory, floating round; 'most of them are out of date and the facts are just plain wrong'.
Having spent a week recently junketing in Melbourne for that city's annual Comedy Festival, JJJ has received requests from all over Australia for similar ventures. Brisbane could well be the next city Mikey and Paul conquer together. The feisty pair eventually hope to visit most capitals of Australia with their show; the next stop is probably Perth, after being telephoned (read, harassed) by one poor woman who complained nobody ever went out there. Well, she got their attention but the odds are much better that they will come to Brisbane sometime soon. Perth, however recalls fond memories in McDermott, of being a great party town - of coming out of clubs at 6am after a great night out. Hm, seems we'll have to show him Brisbane is his kind of town too.
Julie Jansen is a journalist in training at the Queensland University Of Technology.
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